Kara Yao became fed up with constantly travelling to the local fast food resturants for his daily cuisine of a solid hamburger. While sources disagree if it’s hamburgers or ambiguous burgers, the boss thinks hamburgers makes the title a bit juicier, so what can I do?

“When was it you got tired of going into a fast food store?” I asked the man. “Aah, that takes me way, way, way, waay back! You know, I was once watching this comedian and he said no one looks unhappy eating a burger. They can be sad walking into the store, walking out the store, even ordering the food, but no one is sad eatinga burger.” “Wait, can I even say that in the article, what if we get copystriked?” “Don’t know man, not my problem.” “Fair, fair. Anyways, when exactly did you stop going to the fast food stores?” “It was a chilly Saturday morning. I had just got laid.” “Please elaborate.” “I got laid off from work, I was then jobless. I needed a burger to cheer me up. Burgers bring joy to my life. I love them more than my girlfriend.” “She’s gonna get mad.” “Don’t worry, she’s imaginary. Anyways, I went to the local fastfood store.” “Can you specify which chain?” “There were various chains, but I don’t really remember any specific ones. I entered into the store, a blast of warm air broke me from the shackles of the cold weather. The sweet aromas of the tasty foods seduced my nose.” “I’m gonna stop you right there, we are a news company, the HBA has not made a poetry thing yet, so let’s try to remove all the fluff and get straight to the chase.”

“I went to the counter and asked the worker if I could order the regular. She was new and didn’t know what I usually ordered so I told her #23, 2 #41s, the #69, and the 3 #420s. I could tell by the look of her eyes what she was about to say, ‘I’m so sorry sir, we are out of burgers for today.’ I was heartbroken. My day was already going downhill but now it was too much. In fact, I was planning on ending everything right there.” “I’mma gonna stop you right there, that’s too dark for our viewers my friend.” “Not to worry. See, I was about to end it all as soon as I got home, but for some reason I had a feeling to go and read the Hecrenews. I don’t know why but this was fate. The article I read was about a foolish man who thought he could turn back time by turning back all the clocks. That man was Adalbert Bulstrode.” “Is, he still is.” “Anyways, I saw his determination, his worth ethic, the article was pretty bad but I could feel all the sensation, I could feel his aura just from reading that article. And it didn’t end there, I read more and more articles, Bulstrode was becoming quite a famous person and was being frequently featured in the Hecrenews. I also read about Fred Dome and how he took the initiative to take every single job. I was inspired by them and I knew I couldn’t quit. I went to local self-proclaimed green thumb Ellena Donelly and sook aid. She taught me all the basics of gardening. After a month of hands on training, I am finally ready for action. I made a homemade burger, took the sesame seeds and placed them into the ground. I was changing my life.”

After arduous work which spanned months, Yao was finally able to bear the fruits of his labor. Although, he did not bear fruits, but he beared burgers! I was ready to go to the boss with this half-effort article but something interesting happened. A gang of kids, no, teenagers, went towards Yao. What’s this? The kids kidnapped Yao?! I was fearing for my own life so I ran out. The last thing I heard was the teenagers saying, “You filthy non-veg” as they burned down his burger garden. It seems this story is not over but boss pays for quantity, not quality. Anywho, boss promised to pay more if I continue to upload every day so I guess there are more spicy articles in the Hecresphere coming your way!