What’s popping peoples, I have returned from the unknown. Dang it’s been a while since I posted my last report so I’m not sure if I remembered how to do this but the boss is forcing me to do it, no matter if I know it or not.

I was at the saloon the other day, obviously keeping the 6 feet distancing and the very fancy, comfortable, and 100% breathable masks on. You may have heard of a ‘wax on, wax off’ but for our protection it’s just ‘mask on.’ Anywho, I was trying out a new hair style for not particular reason, you gotta switch it up every now and then. Hopefully I recieve positives reviews from Wopps and Banana and the other guy- Fred Dome I think? He’s the one who has every job. I’ve noticed that this isn’t even article format but I ain’t gonna stop now. I was recently binge-watching some movies (before my disappearance, don’t think I would disappear for such a silly reason) and I saw some wild hair styles. Unfortunately Hollywood hair styles were too bland for my tastes, this is where I turned to Bollywood. With India banning Tik-Tok and other Chinese apps, it was about time to hop into the bandwagon so I started watching some Bollywood movies (with no knowledge on how to speak Indian, luckilly there are closed captions in English which I can digest more easily).

“That was the one.” I knew it when I saw it. That hairstyle, I knew it was it.

Just a massive lump of hair showing domiance but still retaining shape, I needed it so I drove over to the local saloon. The experience was great but this article was not supposed to be about me. TUrns out my man Cromwell was also chilling the saloon getting a fresh new cut to match his fresh new kicks. “Dyude!” I said, shocked. “Is that really your hair? It’s so smooth. Unbelievable, I finally have good article content, er, ignore that. Anywho, how did you get your hair that silky smooth. This is amazing! Did you use the shampoo in the commercials? Are you a shampoo model yourself?” Cromwell literally had the silkiest and smoothest hair in existence. It was very nice, I finally understood the concept of ‘eye-candy’ but this was more like an ‘eye-meal,’ nay, an ‘eye-buffet!’ “It’s really simple-“ “Wait, are you sure you can reveal this information to me and the public?” “What? Why should I keep this wonderful trick to myself? The world would be a better place if we could all have such silky smooth hair like mine. I’ll tell you, and you better put this in your article. Every year for Christmas I ask for a year’s supply of Jolly Juice. It’s a magical item crafted for Santa Claus himself. Jolly Juice can do it all. I’m not kidding. Literally everything, Jolly Juice can do it.”

Image of Jolly Juice:

“So what do you do, drink it?” I asked. “No silly, you use a small quantity as shampoo. You can drink the rest for the day, it tastes amazing, it is the most beautiful thing to every grace man’s tastebuds.” “Dang, but the Easter Bunny told me Santa wasn’t real.” “Nah, he’s real alright.” “Ok, guess I’m gonna wish me some Jolly Juice!” “There’s one catch though,” said Cromwell, “You must be on the nice list, you will not get any Jolly Juice if you’re on the naughty list.” “Well, anyone would be on the nice list to obtain hair as silky smooth as you, Cromwell.” The saloon workers were listening in as they also wanted some silky smooth hair.

Well, if you want out-of-this-world silky smooth hair, just ask your local Santa Claus for some Jolly Juice. That’s it for me, see you next time!