In recent news, a Concerned Mothers’ Organization has branched out into the music scene by creating a hit new group: Verses Without Curses (called VWC by hardcore fans). The group, devoted to producing curse-free songs and being good role models in general, released its first album just last week. The Hecrenews called up its resident music analyst, Icy Byoit, to comment on Verses Without Curses’s work.

Byoit gave every track a good long listen, from “Don’t Run With Scissors” to “It ain’t Cuul to Juul”. According to him, a song is best reviewed after one listens to it multiple times. He calls it the bYoit mEthod to succEss in music criTicism (YEET). According to it, all music reviewers should explore a song in three passes. First, they should listen to the song as normal, to “introduce themselves to the song”. After the first pass, the ideal music critic would listen to the song with a background ambience of pots clanging, kids screaming, and other sources of cheeky stuff to “familiarize [themselves] with how the song will be listened to by the average human”. Finally, Icy Byoit recommends that music analysts listen to the song a third time, but this time at 0.25x speed. This is in order to “listen from the perspective of those whose brains work faster than those of normal human beings”.

In Byoit’s own words, “My YEET is the best, and some would say the only method to appropriately criticize music. Indeed, several burgeoning critics have cited YEET as “an instrumental source in my music criticizing career”, according to a local who didn’t offer his name.

But enough about Byoit and his YEET. After properly examining each song in VWC’s album, Byoit surprisingly gave the album a solid 8.5/10. Extremely high praise. Perhaps VWC is onto something. Byoit especially enjoyed the “instructive value” of tracks such as “The Powerhouse (of the cell)” and “Look Both ways before Crossing the Street”. Once again, very impressive ratings. According to Byoit, lead guitarist Karen Kringle really “gave it her all” on the solo inside “a^2 + b^2 = c^2”.

Verses With Curses also has several songs in the album in collaboration with other artists, such as hit swag-rapper ChopOn. Here’s an excerpt from their most viewed song together, by far.

ChopOn:
Christion Christion, it’s the only word I know
Christion Christion, don’t you wish you had this flow
Before I knew the sacred truth I used to be down low
But now because of Jesus Christ I’m rolling in that dough!

VWC(together):
Red and green, red and green, best holiday there can be
Red and green, red and green, we believe work makes you free

Quite a banger, no? For more hip tunes you can always visit VWC’s website here. The band has also recently announced that they’ll go on tour. I don’t know how that’ll work out because of the whole quarantine thing, but they’re free to try, I guess.

Well, that’s all for now. Who knows, maybe Verses Without Curses will remain a permanent fixture of the local music scene. All we know now is that they procrastinate less than this group. Wopps out.