Local resident Jordi Emilia was not expecting any visitors when we woke up at 2:29 AM in the morning, but yet he had. There was already no expectation for visitors, and there was an even lower expectation it would be a horse, the percentage of it being a painted horse too was impossible, virtually 0! I am sensing a negative expectation, I’ll just wait here for Sheeple, the head of Hecrenews Science and Research (SAR) to confirm me on this. In the meanwhile, Emilia was not the only one to experience this phenomenom. All across the local town painted horses were knocking on people’s doors.

The police arrived at about 7:00 AM, they couldn’t function until they got their dosage of coffee and donuts. However, the cops could not disperse the painted horses, they just brushed off the cops and relentlessly knocked on the doors. It was quite surprising how the doors didn’t fall down, those things sure are quite sturdy. Anywho, skeptics and critics (all wrong I’ll have you know) have speculated the ‘so-called ‘painted horses’’ are actually zebras, but this is not possible because zebras are from the savannah, and the local town is in a one foresty kinda area, which is not a savannah, meaning no zerbra. Others have claimed these zebras are invasive species, with a queer tendency to knock on people’s doors. However, this is just nonsense. Who are the zebras invading, how does a zebra smuggle itself across the ocean? It doesn’t, easy as that.

The proof of these horse’s intellegence has been seen in the past. When student Evie Neizan rode her bus everyday to school, she passed by a ranch. However, she noticed the horses were always up to something. They were all gathered together and clustered far away from the perimeter, making the ranch seem like a cow-only ranch (possibly there were some bulls but Neizan isn’t sure). Everyone thought Neizan was crazy, and this already negatively affected her social health because she was a ‘quiet-kid’ at school, also now labeled a weirdo. Oh no, talking about school again just brings painful emotions, oh Bulstrode, where are you now? The Leafblower saga is over but now we need to do journalism on bullying in local schools?! Aw man, not like I have any other leads. Anywho, Neizan easily predicted the horses hijacking a school bus and crashing into the school and entering the building. The horses were mad sus but the school’s administration was able to hold them down.

Some loyal Hecrenews readers had their sus alarms activated, such as Hektor Klim. Klim had been reading the letter of the day articles, and noticed a pattern. If he combined the letter of the day articles, it read a cryptic message, despite Mister Mjir claiming himself there was no meaning behind them and they were truly randomly generated. Now Mister Mjir is safe for now, because it is not zebras knocking on the doors, but in fact horses, who are painted as zebras.

At about 11:20 AM the fire department came with their fancy hoses and all and after spraying some water revealed that in fact, the creatures constantly knocking on the door were horses, as the black and white coloring faded away. With the horses’ cover blown they hopped and gallopped away from the scene, knowing that there was no way the police would be able to identify them. The police are still trying to figure out who these rowdy group of horses are, their end goal, and how they got painted. The chief deputy doubts it’s the horses and believes there’s a human behind this but we at the Hecrenews know the truth, and it is most likely probably 50-50 chance possibly (perhaps) that maybe it’s actually the horses. We don’t know how they painted themselves either but we might be sure they did it.

This was quite a strange event, but with the power of the community and the friendly first responders, they got the problem solved. What a nice article. This has been Mister Mjir, popping in and now popping out.