The phrase “wolf down a meal” is synonymous with non-vegetarians. You go to fast food joint and see people wolf down a double McWhopper Egg Salad Beef-Chicken Egg Deluxe Premium along with frieds, chicken nuggets (preferably dinosaur shaped). The hungry guy at the fancy resturant “wolfs down” that big, juicy, steak (of course at the disdain of vegetarians). However, one local vegetarians, who is rumored to be from Florida, Luka Miloš, is about to forever change the way of the word, and maybe a whole ecosystem while he’s at it.

At first the local wildlife and park safety crew didn’t notice anything when a few trees went ‘missing,’ as the locals reported. “Happens all the time,” said the man on guard at the time, who happened to be the cheif of the safety crew, Ghenadie Onyekachi. However, as the days went on, more and more trees went missing. Onyekachi decided an investigation was needed, but it was not a complex nor a long investigation. Onyekachi witnessed a queer man casually uproot a tree and eat it. “It was a pure spectacle, a miracle even, don’t know how it’s good but it’s unbelievable!” Unfortunately for Onyekachi, Miloš had just devoured the last tree in the entire national park. There were no trees left. One could only hope Miloš did not eat the seeds, but no matter what, a long time will be required to reverse these changes.

Now the question everyone is asking Miloš, “Why/How is he eating trees?” We just had to ask Miloš in person. “Please don’t eat me,” I said. “Oh no worries, I’m a vegetarian, and you don’t look like a non-vegetarian so I doubt I will be eating you.” “It worries me that you doubt instead of thinking it’s ludicrous, I’ll have you know the Hecrenews is the number 1 news sources and is run by the HBA. Anywho, how and why are you eating these trees?” “Well you see, I’m a vegetarian like I said. It’s not that I don’t like people killing animals for consumption, it’s just that I want to kill plants for consumption. I want to eat as many plants as possible, and this is to ensure they won’t become the dominant species on our planet. Someone’s gotta do the job.” “Well that is very interesting. I feel like I’ve written some similar articles on similar topics but I’m too lazy to link them in this article so why don’t you elaborate on that? Like anything you want the audience to know? I wanna try to get a picture of what’s going on in your head.” “So I guess I’ll have to begin where it all started. You know, I used to be a non-vegetarian, eating meat and all. Hey, if someone isn’t controlling the chicken, cow, and pig populations then soon there will be more of them than we can handle, and that’s gonna be problems. I used to be non-vegetarian because I cared about the environment and plant life. I wouldn’t hurt a flower, what did a flower ever do wrong to me. But I will never forgot the day it all changed. See me and my homies were doing an unsupervised cleanup near a watery area with lots of vegetation, and then, while going down near the water where the trash was, one of my homies got pricked by some thorns. Man, that hurt, and I wasn’t even pricked by them! After that he slipped into some poison ivy, and got scratched by some branches. It was then my views about plants and the environment changed, well not really the environment more really plants. Plants can cause this much damage, if they are not regulated, then problems like these can escalate. Someone needs to stop them and I realized how evil these plants were, so I became vegetarian, and began a crusade to eat as many plants as I could. As you can see here, I just ate this entire forest. Hello, oh no, he’s sleeping.” “Frogs!!! Oh, just a nightmare. Don’t worry I’m recording this so I don’t have to pay attention now. I’m not gonna question the biology of possibility of how you ate the tree, I’m kinda used to stuff like that at this point. So, are you going to stop anytime soon?” “Nope.”

Miloš was banned from the park by Onyekachi and Onyekachi is now being a more diligent guard and created a secret corps to be on the lookout for vegetarians looking to eat all of the plants in the national park. Onyekachi is embarassed, but promises to do better. The boss can’t fire him because no one’s really interested in being a park safety person these days (so sad). I think this article length will be HAC approved, so I’ll end it here. This has been Mister Mjir, popping in and now popping out.