Return to monke. This is the phrase swarming the internet (ah, not really anymore, you know how that meme economy is constantly changing). Abandon humanity, and return to monke. Who needs phones, jobs, farms, cities, paved roads, comfy beds, restaruants, and more when you can just abandon it all and return to monke! Science fairs had to put a new regulation specifically for this, all kids participating were experimenting how they could revert back to a monkey, and the Science fair just needed some more variety (although Sheeple Dunnel’s insight on this would be greatly appreciated, seems he switched phone numbers and I wasn’t in the loop). What’s wrong with monkeys? says non South/South Asian people, in a recent interview conducted by local citizen scientists. Only those people know the true horror of monkeys, and how dangerous they can be. They may be little, but they can attack you, steal your food, break into your house, and do this all without facing legal consequences! That is obviously unfair, maybe there are truly merits to returning to monke. That’s besides the point, what we are here to do today is cover the latest and most important ground-breaking news, monumental events that would make each article important for the history books. And recently, such an event has taken place.

Monkeys have begun their offense on man, just look at the evidence! (Photo courtesy of (or stolen from) telegraph.co.uk) Rops you can't see the image

Monkeys played the fool for this man, distracting him while a member takes advantage of the man’s blind spot, and prepares to beat him down with a stick. This event should shed light on how monkeys truly behave. These cunning creatures abuse their intelligence to come up with high IQ plays like these. Aradhana Stefan is an avid anti-monkeyist, who is a (mon)key player (hahaha see what I did there? I’m so funny) in crumbling and taking down the monkey opposition. 1000s of undergound monkey gangs were put under arrest in Stefan’s tenure, and she plans to keep on going until there is peace. We were able to talk with her shortly, but only shortly as she is a busy person fighting for our society.

“Some must venture into the darkness, no longer in the protection of their light, but fight in the darkness to ensure the peace which the light provides. Our job as anti-monkeyists is to stop monkey opposition. We humans are already so divided against ourselves, just concerened about places of birth, who are parents are, how much melanin we have, monkeys are using this golden opportunity of man’s struggle with himself to take down man and become the dominant specicies. I remember reading an article about someone stopping trees from becoming the dominant specicies, and we hold similar beliefs. We try to be as kind as we can to the monkeys, if we play too rough radical animal activist groups will come and try to take us down. We are fighting hard and nonstop to create a future for humans, only when we are united together will monkeys be no more of a threat, but as it stands now we are simply just not ready for that yet.”

Stefan’s words are very insightful, and just remind us of how many people are working behind the scenes so we can live comfortably. It is truly altruistic, and is the birthplace of many legends. I myself went into a zone with a mild amount of monkeys, and it wasn’t pretty. I am currently skedaddling outta here before these monkeys grab a hold of me (and dang are they fast!) This has been Mister Mjir, popping in and now popping out.