It was just a regular Thursday evening for the SAR team at the Hecrenews. Another day of not finishing any of the incoming papers that infinitely pile (who knows what those papers are even about, and that’s super inefficient since they have technology), gossipping, and lazing about. This was until the red light on the central dashboard, a strange apparatus (they could have easily ordered something that looks way better but someone was insistent on building it themselves) that looks like it will fall apart any second, yet has lasted a whopping 5 years, turned on. A few seconds later, all the secondary warning lights were on, and an alarm even went off. That alarm was one of the SAR member’s alarm to wake up from their 2 hour nap in the middle of work, but it added to the stress in the room. There was a disturbance in the universe. Sheeple Dunnell (or is it Dunnel?) burst into the room, which was strange as he was supposedly ‘busy’ with matters outside the SAR office so he shouldn’t have gotten there so fast, and was surprised to see the SAR team somewhat functioning. Of course, there was only one meaning behind this, a disturbance in the universe, not again…

In no less than 30 minutes after the lights turned red, Dunnell/Dunnel recieved a text on his, very secure, black berry phone. Soon after he got another text, and then another, and yet another. One foolish SAR team remarked, “Dang, Dunnell’s skipping out on his date and now his girl is mad,” and Dunnell/Dunnel gave that member a look that had such a great effect the poor guy became paralyzed for the rest of the day. Dunnel was getting 1000s of messages from labs around the world all conducting some sort of experiments with mass and obtaining negative masses. This is a problem. Mass is matter, why does it matter? Well, because it exists! If an object has no matter, it has no atoms, so it doesn’t exist. Take that ideal strings, springs, and etc.! The question is, how can you have something less than nothing? This is an interesting question and my feeble brain does not have enough brain cells to give a proper answer. Does negative mass cancel out mass? How did the scientists even record this? These are all mystery implementation details that I don’t want to go outside, walk around, and question people about so I will just leave it as a mystery.

Sheeple Dunnell hypothesizes the increased quantities of negative mass being due to the influx of Datil, Jocose, and Jolly Juice affected the matrix field. He determined this using the equations system, and I really have no clue what any of this means. There is one question my limited IQ was able to grasp, and that is Dunnel mentioned an increase of negative mass, that implies negative mass was already there to begin with. A hole has opened up in the Hecresphere, and strange substances are flowing in from the Alternate Universe, the prominent figure being negative mass. SAR would be giddy and full of bliss to spend their days researching negative mass, but since we are still wating on that Datil report I can say without a doubt that that’s not happening anytime soon.

The big question being asked about negative mass, is the existence of gummy worms. How are these two related, I don’t know, but that’s what the top scientists are asking questions about. This implies some relationship between negative mass and the existence of gummy worms. What exactly are gummy worms? They are a candy/sweet made out of gelatin, which is why they are gummy, and they are in the shape of a worm, making them a gummy worm. What is the purpose of this? Worms are for birds, and not just any birds, but early birds. Why do we need to eat worms, we don’t because they’re gross, but gummy worms are okay. It must be related to gummy bears but the scientists seem ok with that. I couldn’t talk to any of these scientists becaues they were so absorbed with figuring out why gummy worms exist that they wouldn’t reply to my emails. Maybe we’ll soon be finding out why gummy worms exist, and that could be a stepping stone to us understanding what negative mass truly is. This has been Mister Mjir, popping in and now popping out.