Not everything is as it seems. Is your librarian a vampire? Learn the tell-tale signs and be ready for anything. You may never suspect your librarian to be a vampire, but that is exactly what they are aiming for. This incomprehensive guide will let you be able to deduce the truth.

Melanin Activation

Is your librarian’s melanin activated, or are they as pale as the paper on their books? This is one of the first signs you should be able to tell. Being pale, untanned, or not having one’s melanin activated is a sign of not being exposed to the sun. Is it just that librarian’s are reclusive and don’t go out because they are too busy staying in their library, of course not! Vampires cannot be in the sunlight, that is their weakness. They are not pale by choice, but by survival. They cannot be out in the sun. So if you can see these signs, you may be on to something

Sightings

Do you ever see your librarian outside of the library? If you don’t, then the library is probably their hiding place/base. You see teachers roaming around the school and if you’re very lucky, you may notice that they are people just like you when they are at the grocery store. However, if you do not see your librarian anywhere expect for the library, then you should start becoming suspicious. Remember vampires are nocturnal, so they are supposed to be sleeping during the day. Librarians are awake to convince you they are not vampires, but do not be fooled!

Secret Basement Under the Library

Do you have to climb a set of stairs before you get to your library? If you do, there is most certainly a basement under that place. What is kept in this basement, food supply of course. All the people who have used a computer when they are not 18, the people caught with overdue books, the people being too loud. All the rulebreakers are kept there. In fact, if you read the fine print when getting your library card, you may see a section about this. Unfortunately, it is usually in white text, so it’s impossible to read because it is the same color as the paper. If it is a school library, I hear the International Baccalaureate kids are kept in there. How unfortunate. With a constant food source, these vampires will not be going anywhere anytime soon. Once the basement is constructed though, you will probably not be able to destroy it, because you probably don’t have the power too.

Odors

Does your librarian smell unsually good? I mean, if you know then you are more than a little bit creepy, but what you can tell is their aversion to bad smells, especially garlic. Vampires hate garlic, it is a classic way to tell if someone is a vampire. Unfortunately, there are also many regular people who don’t like garlic as well, so don’t go full Salem Witch Trials if you make this observation.

Levitation

If your librarian is flying then you need to run.

Bats

You will probably see bats on a day where they don’t bring a zoo guest speaker into the building. In fact, many times bats aren’t even part of the program. If the zoo guest speaker is talking about 4-legged creatures who do not fly and you see bats in the building, calmly exit the building.

Next Steps

These aren’t all the signs for sure, but it’s a good start. The best solution is migrate as far away as you can. Thanks to techonological advancements, vampires can even survive in the sun now. Once that sun resistance vaccine comes out we’re done for. If your friends are stuck in the basement, we recommend a party of at least 101 people per vampire that you know, and 500 more just in case. It will be hard to escape back, so bring garlic, holy water, and all the knick-knacks. Only a few people who tried actually succeeded, and they became revered heroes. This will be great if you are a high school student needing something significant for your college apps, but no sane person would attempt this.

It’s a good thing I have a network and resources for obtaining books outside of a library system. Bookstores are once source. You gotta think, how can libraries operate a business if you can borrow the books for free? Something is 100% sketch with that, but who am I to judge? Anywho, this has been Mister Mjir, popping in and now popping out.