What’s up rapscallions? Today we got an exciting story to keep you on the edge of your seat. Do you hate showering? I mean, sometimes a warm shower is nice, but stay too long and you’re wasting water. It’s a waste of water and a waste of time! Imagine how big your side hustle could be if you used your shower time for that instead of showering! Hower Tashe is one man who despises showering. He revels it, absolutely disgusts showering. It’s a complete waste of time, but he has to do it to stay clean. If he’s too smelly, he’ll be fired from work, and then he won’t be able to live in his apartment anymore. Even worse, he’ll lose access to the internet, and this is truly terrifying. Not having an income source sure is tuff, but it’s not my problem. As a Hecrenews journalist, our job is to straight up get dirty and find the truth, no matter what it is. Losing work is one thing, but Tashe could (most likely will) lose all his social status. No one wants to hang out with the stinky guy anyways, Tashe could even lose his date! Being dirty is a huge problem, but showering (or taking a bath) seemed to be the only way to get rid of this problem, and not wanting to shower only makes this a catch 22! Anyways, Tashe was more than annoyed with having to clean himself everyday, so he looked for alternative methods.

First Tashe thought he could simply not get dirty. This was impossible. Everwhere he went, he got dirty. Contact with people, objects, air, food. The dirt, grime, and stink was out to relentlessly get Tashe. After a week of failing to stay clean, Tashe concluded the ‘simply not get dirty,’ method does not work. In fact, research from a new study indicate 99% of high school students become dirty, but head of SAR Sheeple Dunnel has yet to review this study, so who knows how accurate it may be 🤷. Tashe wasn’t ready to give up, he was the man who went livid after even thinking about showers, after all. Tashe went ahead and invented a new type of fabric that instantly vaporized any type of harmful bacteria. After wearing this for three days, Tashe saw no new results. He just burned up the fabric and threw the notes in the trash. So sad, maybe he could’ve used it for other things but it was a failed invention, after all. Tashe realized even if he blocked out all external sources of dirt, his own body will produce it. Oh, what misfortune! How Tashe’s own body betrayed him. Tashe was furious, and decided he needed a few days (and a good whiskey) to cool off.

Tashe’s brain was running out of creative juice, so he realized he had to go low to stop this problem. Yes, he had to break his moral code. Tashe was going to learn Computer Science, what Tashe believed to be mankind’s enemy. Tashe also disliked computer science, he was fine with using computers, but knowing that AI and machine learning could possibly lead to a terminator, Tashe didn’t want to take his chances. Anyways, Tashe buckled down and started the grind. Man was becoming a sigma male, and one day, he made a breakthrough. Tashe had coded so much, he was able to figure out how to turn off dirt respawn for him. How did he do it? I don’t know, but he must’ve been a genius. Now he only had to take one last shower, and see if his code worked. One day passed, then two, then three, and soon a whole month! Tashe did not have to take a single shower in this time period. The dirt just wouldn’t materialize, it couldn’t. Tashe’s shower 0-death’d the dirt and it couldn’t respawn. Here is rare footage of what the dirt saw.

Death Screen

Tashe is now living the time of his living. He started his side hustle of packaging stray leaves and clocked in at 30 thousand in the last quarter. Tashe is making so much bank, just from the time he gained not taking a shower! Now that’s called hustling. I’ll (probably not) cover Tashe’s leaf packaging business in a future article, but Tashe has made his impact on the world. Let’s just hope the admins don’t catch wind of this, that may cause some problems for Tashe. Anyways, what an inspriational story. This has been Mister Mjir, popping in and now popping out.