You, the dear and loyal Renews reader who has diligently read every article to date, may have noticed the recent lack of articles by one Banana The Human, who commonly goes by Banana. Although we recently suspected that he was away on some pear-related business (as usual), Banana’s prolonged disappearance makes us think that this is no longer the case.

Banana hasn’t clocked in for an article-writing shift in days, weeks even. After the first death threats from the boss, the rest of us staff got worried (at that point in time, we were still called Hecrenews). Where had he gone? After lengthy deliberations, we decided to put search posters all over the area. Maybe somebody had seen Banana recently.

Unfortunately, nobody called the number or visited the interrogation meeting spot. We were dismayed. Sunken into the depths of depression, we feared that Banana was gone for good. To try and salvage our own happiness, Mister Mjir tuned into the ongoing HBA Twitch stream and we were in for quite the surprise.

BananaTheHuman, casually playing for the audience. Like nothing was wrong. Now, this was very extremely sus. We had evidence that he was still active, but no clue of his whereabouts. Banana had also turned off all formerly known methods of contacting him, from his phone to smoke signals, to even leaving a piece of cheese in a specific corner of the Hagia Sophia. Nothing worked.

We do miss Banana and all of his contributions to Renews (contributed back when it was Hecrenews) will stay as legacies of a great time.

Edit by Hecrenews Article Quality Control (HAC): Hector forgot to mention that he/she/it is a new author for Renews, hired on the basis of the stark reality of a permanently AWOL BananaTheHuman. Unless Banana can be located, Hector seems here to stay.