In a daring yet ingenious move, local streaming service Nit Flex has decided to remove the ‘Cancel Subscription’ button from their interface. This daring move has single handedly brought Nit Flex out of their financial troubles, and Nit Flex’s CEO, Nithin Felix, is absolutely rolling in cash money right now.

In an exclusive interview granted to the Hecrenews, Felix goes over how he was forcedinspired to make this drastic change:

”Well, you see, we were in a bit of a pickle a couple weeks ago. People were pulling out of their subscription plans left and right, something about ‘exorbitant monthly fees’ and ‘absolutely disgusting content I wouldn’t be paid to see’. Personally, I didn’t see what was wrong. We charged very good rates, for us at least. And our shows weren’t that bad. Especially that 7-season masterpiece of paint drying, it took forever to upload that.”

Due to this really quite horrid state of economic affairs, the brains at Nit Flex (limited to the scant amount of brain cells whizzing about in Nithin Felix’s mind) decided that they had to do something drastic. Something dangerous. Something daring. Something… diasporic? (Idk, I ran out of D adjectives. So much for being the anagram god behind names such as Shrewne and New Shere.)

And so, in a brief moment of unconscious insight that mysteriously came to Felix while he was unconscious some nights prior, he decided to completely take out the concept of canceling your subscription. What a great idea!

The removal of the button has been a huge economic success for Felix and Nit Flex in general. In just the first two days since implementing the change, Nit Flex reported an astounding 27,000% increase in profit. Quite a jump! In addition to the removal of the ability to subscribe, Felix has doubled down and increased the subscription price by a couple thousand dollars per week. Some may call it the move of a madman, but Nithin Felix’s revenue stream says otherwise.

While this may have been a truly masterful decision on the part of Nit Flex, let’s look at the other perspective as well. What about all of the subscribers that suddenly found themselves without a ‘Cancel Subscription’ button? Here are some of the youngest subscribers’ inputs, carefully gathered and presented to the hecrenews by Nit Flex’s Human Outreach and Surveying Them Association (minus Geriatric Elders) (HOSTAGE, for short):

“Alright, alright. Fine, I’ll say it, just stop the pain! Nit Flex’s decision to cancel the ‘Cancel Subscription’ button is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” - Bourd Gourd

“I’m a fellow CEO! You can’t do this to me! If only I had that device that automatically turns metal to rust, I could break free from these chains” - Hooshar Manus

“I really really like having no ability to stop the constant flow of cash that goes from my pocket to Nit Flex’s” - Essey Eighty (nicknamed **)

“Taking-out-that-button-is-the-best-thing-ever. Can I go see my family now?” - Ibn Ribbn

“I swear, I’m going to speak to all of your managers! You can’t torture me and keep you job, of course you can’t” - Kaker Neran

As you can see, practically everybody surveyed was immensely satisfied with the decision. What luck! For a second there, I thought it might be unpopular, but I guess people are completely fine with large sums of money being extracted from them without consent.

Other CEO’s are heavily considering “pulling a Nit Flex”, as it’s being called nowadays. It’s been proven to lead to extreme commercial success, after all. While it remains to be seen how many other streaming services will follow Felix’s example, you can rest assured that you won’t be able to stop giving Nit Flex millions of dollars a month anytime soon.

In related news, a team of hacky-types is trying to somehow resuscitate this lost ‘Cancel Subscription’ button in a last-ditch attempt to keep their bank accounts from dipping sharply in the negatives.

Wow, another article, all done! I think I really am getting the hang of this hecrenews thing. To conclude, I leave you with the wise words of my father’s father: “rat-a