Despite the best omnivorous intervention and peacekeeping efforts, the age-old feud between Veg and Nonveg continues to rage underneath the surface. Time and time again, short skirmishes will erupt, over small things like secretly seasoning a salad with a dry rub or a nonvegetarian eating a vegetarian. Who can blame them, right?

Recently, things came to a head when local non veg Mii Teater was invited by his vegetarian friend (already rare enough for a veg and nonveg to be so friendly) Yom Ipplants to a potluck party, to celebrate an early Thanksgiving. Little did Teater know that this was no ordinary party. It was a veg party šŸ˜²šŸ˜±!

Slated to take place at 6:00 pm on November 25th, the gathering was a meeting of the Royal Vegetarian Society, a group of the most veg vegetarians to ever graze off the face of the Earth. Pictured below are portraits of their founding members.

Being a friendly neighborhood nonveg, Teater thought he would supply some Thxgiving turkey to what he thought was just an innocuous get-together. After the incident, sobbing profusely, he told Hecrenews correspondent Fred Dome that ā€œit was only meant as a friendly [blubbering made words incomprehensible]ā€¦ I didnā€™t think that they wouldā€¦ Ooohhhh the flashbacks!ā€

Everything was going normally, everyone was chillaxing and faxing smoothly together in the beginning. Yom Ipplants, ever the gracious host, invited the gang to a game of Pin the Asparagus on the Sweet Potato, a vegetarian classic. Naturally, Teater was bemused by what seemed to him a strange occurrence, but he went along with it. After Dome found him on the streets curled into a fetal position, he said he thought ā€œit was just a joke, like to be edgy and veggy and everything. I-I never thought they w-would ALL actually beā€¦ VEG!ā€¦ The Humanity!ā€ (at this point, Teater is flickering in and out of a cat-atonic state (meeeoooow))

All of these fun and games went on until dinner time, when Mii Teater went into his car and brought out the Thxgiving Turkey under a hemisphere-shaped dish cover. The veggers, all the lot of them, were captivated by this mystery meal. It smelled foreign, but not a single vegetarian could identify the aroma. Maybe it was a rare delicacy, such as vegetarian game from the enchanted broccoli forest. At any rate, all this wonder was swiftly replaced with horror once Teater, with a ā€œVoila! (you lolla)ā€ revealed the roasted, glistening Thxgiving turkey.

The years of amicable companionship (as companion-like a veg and a nonveg can be, anyways) that Yom Ipplants had shared with Mii Teater went out the window as soon as he saw the bird being the centerpiece of his table. Quickly, two soybean-eaters restrained him, and took him to The Cleanser. After all, every self-respecting vegetarian household has one.

Excerpted from Teaterā€™s terrified ramblings: ā€œTHE CLEANSER! Ohhh, noooo, the cleanser! I saw horrible things in there, horrible I tell you.ā€ [blood-curdling screech]

The last thing poor Mii Teater remembers from that night is waking up on a cold city street, afraid, alone, and with a certain craving for broccoli. He hopes to regain his nonvegginess in the future and has signed up for meat therapy, but until then, he remains a slave to the fruits, nuts, starches, and vegetables that all vegetarians know and enjoy.

Hopefully with the help of mediating omnivores this little incident doesnā€™t blow up into full-on warfare. All this may sound grim and apocalyptic, but itā€™s nothing compared to the literal wars between veg and nonveg that were fought in my grandfatherā€™s day. If he was here, heā€™d go all ā€œrat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-t