With recent widespread concerns about the effectiveness of public education, especially considering the recent influx of Academic Dishonesty and Grand Mega Theft Auto, we’ve received several handy dandy tips on the Hecrenews Article Tip Line discussing peoples’ plights and how they’re unsure if the education they spent so long getting is any good. Because of this, hecrenews staff, with the help of our greatest geek Sheeple Dunnel, have devised this handy-dandy quiz-guide to help you determine if you were actually taught right.

Now, some of you might be wondering: “Why is my intellect being compared to that of the Taj Mahal? Why not another landmark, or you know, an actual sentient person?” Well you see, because we at hecrenews really truly had no idea of the extent to which schools were failing to meet their standards (again, this may or may not be related to the massive increase in cheeky cheating across the board), we decided to go for a low baseline. Using some delicious HBA funds, Hecrenews interviewer Biggin Mammo asked the Taj Mahal the same questions we’ll soon ask you, so after the quiz, check back to see how you did! Are you really smarter than the Taj Mahal?

Q1: Name one integral quality of the Hecretary bird

Back in India, when asked this, the Taj Mahal didn’t say anything. In fact, it didn’t do anything! Biggin Mammo was stumped, until he flipped the question card over. Of course a central characteristic of the Hecretary Bird is laziness, or the act of not doing anything! That Taj Mahal, I tell you. So bright. You, as a very loyal fan of the hecrenews and hecreverse (wink wink) must have gotten that one right, so let’s ramp it up a bit.

Q2: If in 1938 Karoly the Shooter was 28 years and in 1948 he became 38 years, how old would he have been in 1896?

Once again, the Taj Mahal just stood there saying nothing until time ran out. It just so happens that this is correct! If Karoly had 28 years under his belt in 1938, he would have to be born around 1910, and so would have been nothing in 1896! This is one incredibly intelligent monument, I have to say.

Q3: What is the name of the second largest lake in South America?

NOW STOP HERE. DON’T LOOK AHEAD. I SEE YOU CHEEKY FELLOW, TRYING TO GET A GLIMPSE AT THE ANSWER WITHOUT ANSWERING THE QUESTION YOURSELF 😏

Here, nothing happened after Biggin Mammo asked the question (as per usual), which caused his eyes to wander. And lo and behold, there was a bird turf war just beginning, off to the side. Armies of peacocks and crows gathered, facing each other with such enmity. It would be a nonvegetarian’s paradise! But Mammo is a trained hecrenews employee. He steeled his nerves, and did what any interviewer does best: listened. “Tweety!” “Caw-caw!!” And that was all that he needed, for the second largest lake in South America is Titicaca between Bolivia and Peru. It was obviously a sign from the divine power of the Taj Mahal, conveying its answer through the local fauna. Mammo was just floored. He almost converted to Hinduism right then and there!

Q4: What is unique about Macramé textiles?

Mammo, having purchased a pagdi from a local already, had to wait quite some time before he decided that the Taj Mahal was back to saying nothing again. The sun had almost gone down when he wearily flipped over the fourth question card, revealing knotting. Of course, the Taj Mahal’s different pronunciation can be dismissed as an accent thing. It’s not good to judge like that, no?

Q5: What do the poor have and the rich don’t, and will kill you if you eat it?

Biggin Mammo was quite the riddle enthusiast back in grade school, and knew the answer to this question even after he finished reading it. He also realized that if he knew it, then undoubtedly the Taj Mahal, which knew all about Macramé and Lake Titicaca, would know it too. Therefore, it almost didn’t surprise him at all when the giant marble building said nothing in response. Of course, “nothing” is the right answer. Mammo at once started profusely bowing. Unfortunately, at that point it was practically midnight and the HBA only gave us a ticket to Agra at 8 am and from there at 8 pm. We’ll have to get Biggin Mammo back home to Hecrenews HQ so he can keep interviewing like he does so well someday. But I guess that’s a later problem.

The Taj Mahal, mighty as it is, got all 5 of our quiz questions right, thoroughly exceeding Mammo’s expectations, who is now full-hinduism as he expects it to make himself smarter. How far he has come from falling into commas all willy-nilly. But that begs the question: How many did YOU get right? Are you really smarter than the Taj Mahal? What will the public education system have to say about this? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. Wopps out.