Local twins Faraday and Augusta Wint have retained their individual identities for years through some stroke of luck, but sadly, such times have come to a close. They have fallen to the age old twin trap: Neither one knows which twin they are.

Above is an artist’s depiction of two hypothetical example twins on a summer day. Unfortunately, the artist was one of Hecrenews’s own, and you know how our budget is so screwed that we had to have an interviewer extradited rather than pay for a plane ticket home. Still, it perfectly illustrates the twin dilemma: Can you distinguish between the two people you see above? No? Well, then they probably can’t either. And that’s what’s sadly happened to the twins Wint.

One of Faraday and Augusta came to Hnews HQ one day, to seek guidance about his/her situation. We of course, instead of giving them counsel, turned their sob story into sweet, sweet internet hits.

The thing is, the twin (whoever it was) that visited us looked rather, y’know, womanly, which leads us to believe that it could have been Augusta Wint. But as always, the hecrenews maintained its unbiased approach to reporting the news. That’s right, you get only the facts with us. The long flowing locks, DNA-proven double X chromosomes, and the twin saying they were a girl may have been evidence that the twin the Hecrenews spoke to was Augusta Wint, but you can never tell what the hip-and-trendy parents name their children these days. All up in the air, that’s for sure.

What’s most surprising is the fact that Faraday and Augusta are in no means identical twins. According to a description from a close family friend, they are “as unlike in body, character, and morals as two people could be. I’m surprised they’re even related in the first place.”

Hopefully we may sooner or later find some evidence to help each twin identify themselves. It’s terrible that this is such a large problem in society, even with fraternal twins. After contacting us about his/her plight, the twin Wint went off to the Himalayas to find themselves. While they could be searching for a drivers license or other form of identification, they seemed confident that the snowy peaks, sharper than Shere Khan’s very shoulder blades, would help them in their quest to find out which twin they are.

That’s all for today, kids! And remember, if you ever find yourself with a lookalike who looks like you, moves like you, and might even think like you, make sure you’re not just looking into a mirror before proclaiming your long lost twin to the world. And if they turn into the forward scouts of a secret alien invasion, heed my grandfather’s words and “rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat