Hit group ARMD has yet to come out with another banger. Oh, when will February 31st arrive? Despite this, however, it seems their growing popularity has attracted some unwanted attention. A shady force is brewing on the music horizon, and it comes in the form of up-and-coming hit music group System of a Don.

But what seems so positively insidious about a band? Well, for one, it’s members. Some months ago, a rival news site suddenly crumbled into ruin (or so we thought). However, it’s all too prevalent that the then-infamous Monkey Beater is still alive and kicking (and beating, ofc). And now, he’s drumming! 😱🙀😱‼️

In addition to Monkey Beater, the lead guitarist of System of a Don is equally nefarious former(😡) hecrenews intern Eif al-Tawa. He was a spy all along! Even Brian Jones seems to have turned to the dark side (or the darker side?) and joined this gang of nefarious proportions. But none can compare with SOAD (for short)’s lead singer. For months, whispers had been traveling on the Hecrenews Tip Line about someone more shady than a sugar maple. Someone more in the hood than Little Red Riding. Someone who got a 0 on the Rice Purity test for “relentless ADing. Someone known to the public only as: The Don.

The Don’s doubtlessly devastating debut did definitely disrupt denizens’ daily duties. Oops, my “D” key got stuck for a minute there. It’s better now, at least. System of a Don was an explosive smash-hit right from the get-go. Their first (and as of now only) album, Boxicity, has definitely made more than a splash, sending a tidal wave of sponsorships, endorsements, and accolades towards the group.

Obviously, our four-lettered food fanatics didn’t want to have any of that. And so began, a beef to end all beefs. So beefy this was, one could almost call it buffalo. SOAD vs. ARMD. A great and legendary battle!

Of course there was only room enough for one acronym-based music group in this here town. The instant System of a Don publishes their next song, ARMD says they’ll put out a right and proper diss track. However, considering they still haven’t published that song they said they were going to all those months ago, it’s safe to say that SOAD’s raw productivity gives them the upper hand, at least for now. We can only hope that ARMD gets their gumption back, and their D back, to combat this monstrous threat.

We can only hope The Don doesn’t use his newfound prowess and public appeal to do some cheeky stuff. T’would be bad for everyone involved. Monkey Beater, Eif al-Tawa, Brian Jones, and The Don make a fearsome foursome indeed. The sheer level of evilosity can’t be matched!

The hecrenews, as the one news source to rule them all, will of course keep you updated on any and all world-ending events that arise from SOAD’s musical successes. We must take heart in these troubling times and listen to only the truest music out there. Wopps out.

Edit by HAC (Hecrenews Article Quality Control): While the title seems to imply that beef brings grief, please note that this is not a sentiment expressed by the hecrenews as a whole. We think the cleanser may have rubbed off on him some.