From the beginning of its existence, the Hecrenews has had a highly handy hodgepodge of hierarchy. Us writers are the public face of the organization, all controlled by a shadowy-yet-scary boss. Below, you have our science and research (SAR) team, headed up by Sheeple Dunnell and containing such esteemed members as Blat Beck and Fred Dome. Alongside those, you have interviewers and investigative reporters, such as Biggin Mammo and Fred Dome, and at the bottom of the bottom, the interns. This group would consist of Eif al-Tawa, Fred Dome (ofc), and a grand total of no one else.

Eif al-Tawa, known for generally being shady and the definition of malicious, has been a member of the hecrenews for almost as long as the Hecrenews has been the hecrenews, coming on board just to seemingly terrorize Blat Beck during a Science and Research investigation. However, recent evidence has come to light that really brings to our minds the question: “Did we ever really know Eif al-Tawa?”

During a leak of Tawa’s most private information (conducted bi-monthly in order to preserve workplace camaraderie), the Hecrenews collectively discovered a most interesting pic. Why, in a folder labeled “Cheeky Selfies,” Eif al-Tawa had snuck in a picture of a pointy French building! Specifically, this point French building:

Because geography isn’t a subject in schools, we have no idea what this pointy French building could be, or where it could be located, or even what it’s relation could be to a shrimpy, malicious intern named Eif al-Tawa. Thus, we consulted Sheeple Dunnell about the conclusions we should draw from this most surprising finding. Through the power of logical induction, he gave us authors this piece of wisdom:

“Bruh if it’s in the selfie folder its a selfie. Obviously that intern is that building. We don’t employ buildings here, so I say boot ‘im. Serves him right for curdling my coffee the other day.”

But being an unbiased source of news, we sought to get all sides of the story. Thus, we journeyed to Eif al-Tawa’s home of Paris, France (his internship was mostly online, he zoomed in unless his presence was needed) to see his take on the findings. We asked question after question, but the Eif al-Tawa just stayed still, motionless, towering over us all. Was this a show of disrespect? It certainly seemed like that; our entire interrogatory staff stayed there shouting questions and prodding him until kindly taken away by the French police. Eif al-Tawa never said a word, leading us to wonder. Did we imagine every other word “said” by him prior? Just how much acid are we on, actually?

We’re thus far undecided as an organization about what to do about this scandalous scandal. What will happen of Eif al-Tawa? I’ll tell you what, why don’t we let our loyal, dutiful, never-miss-a-single-article readers decide? Just click the link below and Judge al-Tawa’s Fate!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

This business is very troubling. If al-Tawa hid the fact that he was not a person, but instead a pointy French building, could he be hiding something else? Could he be in kahoots (or quizlets) with the Don? We thought we’d forgive him for joining the Don’s wildly successful metal group, but maybe more nefarious things are at hand. 😢🙏📠. Wopps out.